The Life That Mattered (The Life Series Book 1) Read online

  Ronin glanced up at me while sitting up straight. “Maybe you learn to ski. Maybe you don’t. I have no fucks to give about it because for the first time in a long time, I can’t wait to take off my gear and find you at the end of every day. Before you, I was the first to work. The first one making tracks after a fresh round of snow. Now … I show up on time for work. Not too early, but not late. Just on time because it’s impossible to leave you in the morning. I want one more kiss. One more minute just to look at you. One more smile. One more whisper of my name ‘Roe …’ from your beautiful lips. Roe … no one has ever called me that. And when you say it, I feel like the goddamn king of the world. I want this, and I’ve never wanted anything more than seeking the next adventure. But you … you make me want to stay.”

  Slipping …

  Falling …

  I grinned, easing out of the recliner. “King of the world, huh? Does that make me your queen?” Lifting a leg, I straddled his lap, forcing him to lean back.

  His hands slid up my legs beneath my robe. A smile played along his lips when they reached my hips, and he discovered I wasn’t wearing anything under my robe.

  Slipping …

  Falling …

  “Yes …” He removed one of his hands and pulled the sash. My robe fell open. Ronin had a way of looking at me that felt predatory. The tiny hairs along my skin stood at attention. They knew he was going to do what he wanted to me with little regard for anything—a burning house, a crushing avalanche, Armageddon. “You are most certainly my queen.”

  My breath caught when he sucked in my nipple, teasing it with his teeth. Teasing it hard with his teeth.

  “Roe …” I breathed, closing my eyes, tangling my fingers in his thick hair.

  He cupped my other breast, dragging his mouth across my chest, etching my skin with a day’s worth of stubble. “Say it again.”

  I tightened my hold on his hair, arching my back. “Roe …”

  “Again …” He bit my other nipple, tugging it as his hands gripped my hips to work my pelvis over his erection.

  My robe slipped off my shoulders as we ground against each other. His impatience pulled a growl from his chest. I loved loved loved how badly he needed me like that. The hand on my breast moved between us where he yanked down the front of his pants, no underwear. I wasn’t the only one dressed in minimum attire.

  He teased me for a few seconds before pushing into me, tightening his grip on my hips to bring me down onto him.

  “Ride me, Evie,” he whispered in my ear, biting my earlobe while his fingers dug into my flesh.

  Ronin said things that would have made my mom gasp in horror had she known. My mom adored Ronin. She called him the “ultimate gentleman” because she saw him hold my hand, hold open doors, and stand when a woman walked into the room. He called her Mrs. Taylor, in spite of her insisting he call her Madeline, which made her blush.

  But … her face would have turned crimson for different reasons had she known the things he said to me during sex—the things he did to me during sex. His relentless tongue, commanding hands, and large cock had explored my body. Every. Single. Inch.

  Ronin obliterated all of my comfort zones, shattered all of my preconceived ideas of taboo. He made everything feel natural because it was with him. I trusted him implicitly, which made my Vanessa reaction seem so insane.

  “Roe …” I dropped my head to his shoulder. He felt right. He always felt right moving inside me. I never wanted to experience that intimacy with another man. Not in this life or any other life.

  “Not yet, Evie.” He stilled my hips, denying me as his tongue plunged into my mouth, making deep, hard strokes.

  “Everyone decent?”

  I pulled away; my body frozen like frightened prey as if our lack of motion would make us invisible. But it didn’t. Lila saw us. Well, she saw the back of the sofa, so the back of Ronin’s head, and the front of me. I leaned forward to hide my bared chest—that she’d seen … and tasted.

  Ugh …

  “Stop it!” I whispered through gritted teeth as Ronin flicked my nipple with his tongue.

  “Fuck no, I’m not stopping.”

  There it was—Ronin in sex mode. No. Fucks. Given.

  “Not … again. I was kidding! I knew you’d be decent! I knew you wouldn’t let this shit happen again!” Lila slapped her hand against her forehead, before glancing back out the door. “One minute, Madeline.”

  Crap! My mom?

  Lila blew out a hard breath, glancing up at the ceiling for a second. “He’s physically inside of you right now, isn’t he?” Lila bit her bottom lip, scrunching her nose.

  I nodded, mirroring her expression, digging my fingernails into Ronin’s shoulders because he was still messing with my nipple.

  Flick. Bite. Suck. Flick. Bite. Suck.

  “Get your asses to the bedroom and get dressed. Your mom and grandma are here to surprise you, and they are literally ten steps from your porch. Go!” She backed out and shut the door.

  I started to climb off him, but Ronin grabbed my ass and stood … still inside of me. “Put me down! Did you hear her? We have to get dressed!”

  “I heard.” He smirked, carrying me to the bedroom, mouth sucking along my neck.

  “Ronin! Stop!”

  He kicked the bedroom door shut and laid me on the bed (still inside of me).

  “Roe …” I tried hard to make my case, but he felt so good inside of me. “St-stop …” If my hips hadn’t worked against his so relentlessly, he might have taken my plea more seriously.

  Then … he just stopped.

  My heavy eyelids forced themselves open. His head hovered over mine. I could hear chattering in the other room.

  “Evie …” he whispered, raw and gritty.

  Then the voices faded. The world faded. It was just us.

  Slipping …

  Falling …

  He brought his forehead to mine, rolling it side to side. “Evie …” He feathered his fingertips along the outside of my thighs—not like the Ronin who was hell-bent on not stopping just minutes earlier.

  That was it. When the time came, life couldn’t stop it. Like your heart would burst if you didn’t share the emotions that dominated your existence. It was too much for one person to bear.

  So we slipped.

  We fell …

  “Roe … don’t say it,” I whispered.

  He loved me.

  And I loved him.

  It had never been said, but it was always there.

  He pulled back enough to see my eyes, a ghost of concern sliding across his face.

  “It’s too late.” I eased his concern with a little grin, feathering my fingernails down his back. “It’s too big for words now. Don’t belittle it with a four-letter word. It’s too intangible. Too undefinable. Don’t ever tell me what you can show me.”

  He did.

  He kissed me. He moved inside of me.

  We rushed nothing because nothing mattered more than us, more than what we had to say without actually saying anything at all.

  CHAPTER SEVEN

  “Ronin awake yet?” Lila asked, wearing designer jeans, a white sweater, the perfect blond ponytail, and a shit-eating grin. “I told your mom and grandma that you were in the shower and Ronin wasn’t awake yet.”

  Mom and Grandma smiled at me from the sofa. Grandma picked up Ronin’s book from the end table, inspecting the back cover.

  I returned a guilty smile, pulling my hands out of my hoodie—Ronin’s red ski patrol hoodie that I stole whenever I could because it smelled like him, and it felt big and warm like his embrace.

  “He’s in the shower now. Hey, Mom …” I leaned down and gave her and my grandma hugs. “What a surprise.”

  “Mmm … yup. Big surprise.” Lila nodded, scraping spoonfuls of oatmeal from the sauce pan. She’d been on a strict wedding diet, but she ate when she was overwhelmed. Apparently walking in on Ronin inside of me for the fifth time overwhelmed her.

  �
��I’d planned on driving to Denver today to see you. Why the unexpected trip here?”

  “Is … someone singing?” My mom cocked her head a fraction, eyes narrowed.

  I giggled and so did Lila. “Ronin sings Sinatra in the shower. It’s his thing.”

  “He’s good.” Mom shot me a wide-eyed expression.

  “He is. So why the surprise?”

  “It was Lila’s idea.” Mom gave Lila a weak smile. She thought of her as a third daughter. Always had. “Grandma hasn’t seen the cabin since you moved in. I told her you had it decorated differently and that she’d love it. So Graham sent us up here on his jet. Took less than thirty minutes.”

  I felt honored to live in the log cabin my grandfather built. It meant Katie would get everything else from their estate when Grandma died. But I was okay with that.

  Grandma nodded. “I do love it, sweetie. You’ve made it your own. And grandpa would be so proud of all the chopped wood you have piled outside.”

  “I can’t take credit. It’s all Ronin.”

  “What’s all me?” Ronin made his appearance in faded ripped jeans, a white tee, and messy wet hair. “Hi, Mrs. Taylor.” He leaned over the back of the sofa and dropped a kiss on Mom’s head.

  Mom reached up and patted his cheek. “Good morning, Ronin. You have a beautiful voice.”

  He chuckled while shifting a few inches to my grandma and kissing her head too. “Thank you. Good morning, Mrs. Burns.”

  “Good morning, sweetie.” Grandma reached up and patted his wet head.

  I stood so he could sit in the recliner. He grabbed my waist and pulled me onto his lap as he plopped into the chair.

  “They were talking about your wood, Ronin.” Lila smirked from around her spoon.

  “Yes. Benedict would’ve been proud of all your wood.” Grandma nodded.

  I bit back my grin. “Ronin is good with wood. And he definitely has a lot of it.”

  Lila choked on her spoon.

  Ronin shifted me on his lap, so I could feel his wood. “I do my best. Evelyn likes it hot, so that requires lots of wood.”

  I loved how my mom and grandma were oblivious to the innuendos of the conversation while Lila looked ready to pee her pants in the kitchen. My lips hurt from biting them so hard.

  “Your grandfather was the same way. He used to pack so much wood. But sometimes he’d forget to cover it, and it would get wet. Of course it was always my fault. He’d make up some reason why I distracted him; therefore, it was my fault the wood didn’t get covered and ended up wet.”

  “I can see that,” Ronin said like his mind wasn’t just as far down the gutter as Lila’s and mine. “It’s quite easy to get distracted and forget to cover the wood. If I’m honest, my wood has been wet quite often.”

  “And it matters if you’re burning softwood versus hardwood,” Mom added.

  This conversation wasn’t happening. Was it? How the hell did we let it get so far? My stomach ached from containing my laughter.

  “It really does.” Ronin nodded.

  Lila snorted, turning toward the sink and running water in the oatmeal pan.

  “We like to use hardwood. Right, Evie?” Ronin squeezed my leg.

  I hummed my agreement, rubbing one of my eyes like I had something in it. “Uh-huh.”

  “There’s a lot of softwood in these parts. It never lasts as long.” Grandma shook her head.

  “Speaking of wood.” Ronin lifted me off his lap and stood. “I should go outside and get some.”

  “Do you need help?” I asked, rubbing my mouth to hide my grin.

  “Nah … you have company. Besides, you helped me get wood earlier. And I can’t fully express how much I appreciated it. I’ll handle it this time.”

  “If my hands weren’t arthritic and my back so fragile, I’d help you get wood, Ronin,” Grandma added.

  I can’t even …

  Faking a cough, I held up my finger and ran to the bathroom.

  Before I got the door shut, Ronin said, “That’s kind of you, Mrs. Burns, but I’ll handle the wood by myself.”

  Lila slipped into the bathroom with me and shut the door.

  “Oh my god,” she whispered, tears in her eyes and a hand over her mouth.

  We leaned into each other to keep from falling over as our bodies shook with laughter. It took me back to grade school and the days we’d lose control with giggle fits over something like seeing the outline of a guy’s penis if his jeans were too tight.

  All those years later, we still found humor in the mysterious male appendage.

  “Y-your gr-grandma …” Lila cried.

  I nodded, keeping my hand over my mouth.

  After another minute of working the silliness out of our systems, Lila dried her eyes. Her smile faded into a different kind of smile. A forced smile. The one that was unbelievable because her eyebrows frowned.

  “What?” I sighed softly while blotting my eyes with a tissue.

  “Your mom told me something. That’s really why we’re here.”

  “What?”

  “We’re here so you can digest it and help her tell your dad.”

  “Digest what?” I leaned my backside against the vanity and crossed my arms over my chest.

  Lila peeled one arm away from my chest. Taking my hand, she opened the bathroom door, and I let her lead me into the living room.

  Mom and Grandma studied me and Lila. Their expressions faded into recognition as something silent passed between them and my best friend.

  A look.

  What is going on?

  “Come sit, Evie.” Mom scooted to the side to make room on the sofa between her and Grandma.

  Lila released my hand and sat in the recliner. The air in the room thickened, making it hard to breathe.

  “Evie …” Mom took my hand and squeezed it while Grandma rested her hand on my leg. “I have breast cancer.”

  The room fell silent for a few seconds. I wanted Ronin to come back inside so we could talk about wood. Breast cancer wasn’t funny.

  Time continued to tick along while I took a moment, several moments.

  Death.

  No amount of optimism obscured that thought. Cancer equaled death. It was what first went through any person’s mind when cancer was mentioned—like the words plane crash and mass casualties.

  Only … no one says it. We find better words. There are better words than death. Like … hope.

  Perspective showed up next to stick its ugly tongue out at me. Fucking perspective. I couldn’t believe I had an emotional meltdown over something as immature and frivolous as Vanessa and karaoke. That wasn’t real life. It was just a stupid distraction from the important stuff like Ronin falling in love with me and my mom having cancer. I couldn’t stop internally berating myself. I stood in a bar, seething with jealousy, while my mom dealt with her mortality.

  “Okay …” I replied, forcing courage into my voice. “So what’s the plan?”

  I was a scientist. I liked plans.

  When my dad was diagnosed with polycystic kidney disease, I didn’t take the time to ask why. The why didn’t matter at that point. The only thing that mattered was the plan. We needed a plan.

  “Partial mastectomy. Radiation. Hormone therapy,” Mom said with her shoulders back, chin up.

  I glanced at Lila.

  She was my rock, and my mom knew it. That was why she told Lila before me. Grandma? Well, she was everyone’s rock.

  “We’ve got this.” Lila tipped her chin up too, wearing her confidence like a badge of honor.

  “We’ve got this,” I repeated.

  Mom squeezed my hand again.

  “You need to tell your father,” Grandma said, patting my leg.

  Mom cleared her throat. I could feel the lump of emotion strangling her. “You will stay strong for him. He will see through me. And it’s not because I’m weak or even overly worried about the possible outcome. I just know this will hit him really hard. That’s why I need you to tell him, and I�
��ll be ready with my brave face.”

  She needed me to tell Dad because my father was married to another woman before he met Mom. He was nineteen, and she was eighteen. Their young marriage lasted three years because she died of cancer.

  To that day, he couldn’t even say the word cancer.

  “I’ll tell him.” I maintained a stoic face and pushed that same bravery into my voice—steady and sure. Later, I would take five minutes for myself to let my fears have a voice, have their moment of raw emotion. “Does Katie know?”

  My sister didn’t have a brave face. Katie was transparent with every emotion. She would jump to the conclusion of death in the most verbal way possible. No elephants were allowed in the room with her. Nope. Katie always put all her cards on the table, and she expected the people in her life to do the same.

  “No. One step at a time. You tell Dad. Then Dad will tell Katie.” Mom slapped her hands on her legs like a judge using a gavel to punctuate her ruling. “She is and always has been a ‘daddy’s girl.’ The truth begins and ends with him in her eyes. He is her voice of reason. It has to come from him.”

  Her kidney resided in his body, but they had a special bond before that. As much as I loved my father, I held a stronger bond with my mom. Katie saved Dad’s life. Could I save my mom’s life?

  “You’re not dying.” While I pondered all the questions, I could be resolute in my statements, just like my mom. And impulsive.

  Jeez … I didn’t even mean to say it aloud. It was cry or fight the grim reality.

  She. Will. Not. Die.

  “Who said anything about dying?” Grandma scoffed. “There’s an order. No one in this room goes before me.”

  “Except me …” Lila stood and pointed to the front door. “And by go, I mean I’m going to check on the lumberjack and give you ladies some time alone.” She winked at me. It was her you’ve-got-this wink. We dragged each other through the trenches, held each other up. That was my relationship with Lila.

  Had been.

  Was then.

  Always would be.